Spiritual Reflection: Thomas Merton

"Your idea of me is fabricated with materials you have borrowed from other people and yourself. What you think of me depends on what you think of yourself. Perhaps you create your idea of me out of material that you would like to eliminate from your own idea of yourself. Perhaps your idea of me is a reflection of what other people think of you. Or perhaps what you think of me is simply what you think I think of you. "- Thomas Merton No man Is an Island p 194






















I agree with this quote, as it ties in with my own spirituality and enables me to reflect on my own life and other peoples’ perceptions of me. Through my own personal experiences, I have noticed that most people don't take time to really know me for me. People are more interested in your personal life, your income and your appearance to get to know you deeply. Consequently they tend to overlook your deeper characteristics, the ones that are the most important and shine the most. . As a result people's ideas of who I am as an individual tend to be stereotypical and fabricated.
These include, honesty, compassion, sympathy, kindness, intellect and humor. My qualities include my ability to sympathise, persevere, give and receive love unconditionally and inspire others through my own achievements and sense of who I am. These qualities are often overlooked, when people see me they tend to see the external things my sense of dress, the way I carry myself and the company I keep around me. Most of my friends are predominantly from out of school, and are less of the academic type. They are the more social type and as result people often over look my intelligence and who I am completely as a person. People see me in terms of James Fowler's Synthetic-Conventional stage of faith where my experience of the world extends beyond my family and is influenced by school and peers. They see me, merely as someone who is big and intimidiating, is popular and hangs out with that crowd, they can’t see me for me or my inner qualities. However I feel more at ease in Fowler's fifth stage, Conjunctive faith where by I am alive to paradox, truth and contradiction. As a result a lot of my relationships tend to be artificial and somewhat insignificant. Consequently, no matter how many friends I have a part of me still feels lonely, because I know those relationships are artificial and I know a lot of those friends are temporary. It’s my family and the real friends in my life which give me a real sense of belonging and awareness of who I am. My relationships with girls and less significant friends tend to be somewhat more artificial and vague.

People judge me based on my appearance, the way I walk, the way I talk, the music I listen to, the type of people I socialise with and what I wear.,People don’t see my sensitive side, they tend to only see the outgoing or rough side. Its similar to a flower with broken petals, most people will marvel at the petals which are not broken and think nothing of the ones which are. By this I mean that, people often over look my good qualities and get too caught up on my faults. I admit that I’m not perfect, I admit that sometimes I can be loud, rude, aggressive and lazy. I’m not a saint but then again I don’t know anyone who is. My confidence is often mistaken for arrogance. I am confident that with what ever I do, I will be able to succeed because I have God with me, and a part of me knows I was born to do great things. This all ties in with the notion that God has a plan for me, and he plans for me to do great things, it is merely up to me to stay on track and make it through the bumps and obstacles in the road.

People mistake me as being violent or aggressive however I am merely a product of my environment. Those close to me know I would never intentionally hurt anyone, however when someone abuses me or doesn’t treat me right I take it personally. Perhaps, its my own fault that people have pre determined notions of me being aggressive or not being sensitive. I know however, that if I carry myself with my head down, or let people step all over me, I'll be continually misused and taken advantage of. There’s a fine line between kindness and being taken advantage of and people often don’t realise this. Therefore, for an individual to adequately judge me they must take the time to know me, at a more spiritual and deeper level, people too often create their own pre determined perceptions of others without hardly knowing them. People are complex, in order to adequately judge a person, I believe you have to look less at the external things and get to know the person at a more internal, intellectual and spiritual level.

The following line from the passage has a lot to say about my own spirituality "Perhaps your idea of me is a reflection of what other people think of you". Throughout my life, I have had various individuals and all types of people try to bring me down either through derogatory statements, actions or exclusion. The people who tend to do this, felt insecure about themselves, and brought people down in order to improve their own self esteem or to bring themselves up. As you can perhaps tell throughout my journal, I am exceedingly confident. Regardless of all the people who have tried to bring me down it has merely made me stronger and more determined. The more an individual tries to bring me down the more hungry I become, the more convinced I become that I’ll succeed. This is because I’m convinced that I need to prove them wrong, that I need to excel beyond their wildest dreams and that I need to blow up in their face and be like “ look at me now”. For example when I was younger, people told me I’ll never be able to write. Teachers told me I wouldn’t be able to succeed. This affected my parents however it never really affected me much. It had the negative affect, of making me flourish. It made me want to prove to them that I could succeed, that I could excel. I knew I thought myself to be valuable and smart however I just needed to show it others. I have come a long way from when people told me I’ll never be able to talk or write however I still believe I have a long way to go. I am merely following Gods plan for me and I intend to follow it to the end.

Throughout my own personal journey, I have learned not to let other people's judgments or opinions on me affect me or alter my decisions. Most importantly, I’ve learnt not to let them alter who I am. I'm under the belief that someone cannot adequately judge me, without having walked in my shoes, lived the life I’ve lived and seen the world through my eyes. Subsequently, their judgments don't affect me. I feel as though I know who I am, what I am, and what I am capable of achieving.